It's almost Friday, people!! It's Anguished English time!!!

• Calf born to farmer with two heads!
• Churchill leaves wife leaving on plane!
• Bill to curve pornography submitted by Mayor Beame!
• Two cars were reported stolen by the Groveton police yesterday.
• Yoko Ono will talk about her husband, John Lennon, who was killed in an interview with Barbara Walters.
• After years of being lost under a pile of dust, Chester D. Thatcherr III found all the old records of the Bangor Lions Club at the Bangor House.
• I wish to express my thanks to the Post Office for the great, kind service they give and for the patience they have with little old ladies in mailing packages.
• Plunging 1,000 feet in to the gorge, we saw Yosemite Falls.
• Some sources said shortly after his death Mao Tse Tung had expressed a wish that his body be cremated.
• Bound, gagged, and trussed up nude in a denim bag with plugs in her ears and tape over her eyes, Cleveland teacher Brenda P. Noonan told yesterday how she was kidnapped to Florida without knowing where she was going or why.