Anguished English

• In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
• In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside tub.
• In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
• In a Lepzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
• In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
• In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
• In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11a.m. daily.
• In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of chambermaid.
• In a Japenese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
• In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

• Dear school: "Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28th, 29th, 30th, 31st, 32nd and 33rd."
• Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
• Carlos was absent yesterday because he was hurt while playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
• Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
• Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He had very loose vowels.
• Please excuse Tom from being absent on Friday. He had diahrea and his boots leak.
• Please excuse Jimmy for being. It is his father's fault.
• Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him and did not find him till I began making the beds.

*Anguished English by Richard Lederer

Needing a good laugh? Happy Tuesday!

• I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
• Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings
• Wagners music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain
• Thank God I'm still an Atheist. - Salvador Dali
• We must believe in free will. We have no choice. -Isaac Bashevis Singer
• Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't keep them. - Anthony Haden Guest
• All generalizations are bad. - R.H. Grenier
• Always be sincere, even when you have to fake it. -Irene Peter
• After the eighties, the nineties will make the fifties look like the sixties. - Dennis Hopper
• I distinctly remember forgetting that. - Clara Barton

-Anguished English by Richard Lederer

Little Rock Schedule of Events

Little Rock Schedule of Events

Looking for something to do this weekend? Check out the link above to see what's happenin' in the great city of Little Rock!

Flu Information

Did you know that the H1N1 is all but gone?...did you also know that the "seasonal flu" is about to rear its ugly head?! Check out the above website to learn information about how you can protect yourself and your loved ones from contracting the virus. Let's have a healthy start to our new year!

Bloopers abound in all types of classrooms. Take these (please!) from English papers:

1. The bowels are a,e,i,o,u and sometimes w and y.
2. A passive verb is when the subject is the sufferer, as in "I am loved".
3. In Great Expectations, Miss Havisham puts herself into conclusion.
4. The first scene I would like to analize occurs in Heart of Darkness.
5. At the start of The Grapes of Wrath, Oklahoma has been hit by a dust bowl.
6. At the end of The Awakening, Edna thinks only of herself. Her suicide is selfish because she leaves all who care about her behind.
7. In The Glass Menagerie, Laura's leg keeps coming between her and other people.
8. The death of Francis Macomber was a turning point in his life.
9. The Gorgons had long snakes in their hair. They looked like women, only more horrible.
10. Zwingli's followers all smashed their organs.

Curious to know what is going on in the real estate world in Central Arkansas? Click on the link below...

National market info