Needing a good laugh? Happy Tuesday!

• I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
• Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings
• Wagners music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain
• Thank God I'm still an Atheist. - Salvador Dali
• We must believe in free will. We have no choice. -Isaac Bashevis Singer
• Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't keep them. - Anthony Haden Guest
• All generalizations are bad. - R.H. Grenier
• Always be sincere, even when you have to fake it. -Irene Peter
• After the eighties, the nineties will make the fifties look like the sixties. - Dennis Hopper
• I distinctly remember forgetting that. - Clara Barton

-Anguished English by Richard Lederer

Little Rock Schedule of Events

Little Rock Schedule of Events

Looking for something to do this weekend? Check out the link above to see what's happenin' in the great city of Little Rock!

Flu Information

Did you know that the H1N1 is all but gone?...did you also know that the "seasonal flu" is about to rear its ugly head?! Check out the above website to learn information about how you can protect yourself and your loved ones from contracting the virus. Let's have a healthy start to our new year!

Bloopers abound in all types of classrooms. Take these (please!) from English papers:

1. The bowels are a,e,i,o,u and sometimes w and y.
2. A passive verb is when the subject is the sufferer, as in "I am loved".
3. In Great Expectations, Miss Havisham puts herself into conclusion.
4. The first scene I would like to analize occurs in Heart of Darkness.
5. At the start of The Grapes of Wrath, Oklahoma has been hit by a dust bowl.
6. At the end of The Awakening, Edna thinks only of herself. Her suicide is selfish because she leaves all who care about her behind.
7. In The Glass Menagerie, Laura's leg keeps coming between her and other people.
8. The death of Francis Macomber was a turning point in his life.
9. The Gorgons had long snakes in their hair. They looked like women, only more horrible.
10. Zwingli's followers all smashed their organs.

Curious to know what is going on in the real estate world in Central Arkansas? Click on the link below...

National market info

21 tips for life...

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to.. As you get older, t heir conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX... Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely..

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. <>

THIRTEEN! .... When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice..

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

Anguished English
by: Richard Lederer

I found this book in a quaint store out in Kavanaugh and got such a kick out of it that I had to buy not just one copy, but TWO! :) Here's some silly excerpts that will hopefully bring a smile to your face. These are direct quotes from students "revising" history beyond recognition. ;)

1. The Gorgons had long snakes in their hair. They looked like women, only more horrible.
2. Zwingli's followers all smashed their organs.
3. Sanzibar is noted for its monkeys. The British governor lives there.
4. The Puritans thoughts every event significant because it was a massage from God.
5. The divine wind protected Japan by sinking the fleet of invading Mongrels.
6. During the years 1933-38, there were domestic problems at home as well as abroad.
7. The President of the United States, in having foreign affairs, has to have the consent of the Senate.
8. The difference between a king and a president is that a king is the son of his father, but a president isn't.